Sleep. What is that?!?
Now I fully realized what I was getting myself into. Since I went through residency with little to no sleep, I was certain that I could handle motherhood. I had prepared myself. Then I realized this morning as I changed Kingston’s diaper, that in the middle of the night, (in my sleep deprived state), I didn’t bother to actually, FASTEN his diaper. So, of course, he pee’d EVERYWHERE. At least it was just urine. So maybe I am a little tired.
Sleep when baby sleeps!! Isn’t that the advice everyone gives you? The advice I give my patients and the advice my good pediatrician, Dr. Gronberg, tells me! Who can actually DO that? “Sleep” now means, lay as quiet as I can and don’t make any noise…not even a rustle of the blankets. Whatever you do, DO NOT WAKE THE BABY! Then you lay there and listen to every squawk, moan, and movement the baby makes, crossing your fingers that he isn’t waking up. THAT, is now my “sleep”. Plus, I have a million things to do around the house!! I have a hard time sitting still. I mean, I haven’t even finished my thank you notes for the baby shower. I have stuff to do!! It doesn’t help that now I can only do them in 20 minute chunks while the baby is actually quiet. On a side note, might I add, thank goodness for Netflix! The binge-watching shows on Netflix I believe is helping keep me sane.
Not only do I not sleep, the BABY does not sleep. I thought newborns were supposed to sleep about 18 hours a day! Sure doesn’t seem like that! There are thousands of “theories” and “techniques” out there about how to get a baby to sleep and my technique is this. Do anything to get the baby to sleep, especially at night. I have fed, swaddled, un-swaddled, changed diapers, sang, rocked, shhh-ed, swung, vibrated, pacified, begged and pleaded. I have 5 different bassinet/chairs/swings to try. I have white noise machines galore. I really think he just sleeps when he feels like it regardless of any of the antics I try.
Do I still love it (him)? You bet!!! I always try to remember – the days are long sometimes but the years are short. Kingston is 1 month today, and will never be this little again. Enjoying the baby snuggles while I can!! It is still hard to separate pediatrician brain from mommy brain, but it is getting easier every day. I’ve accepted that no matter what, I am NOT objective (and SO exhausted), and the pediatrician knows best. I’m loving that acceptance and just being a mommy right now!!! Now I need to go take a nap!!!